The Secret of Change
Stressful night, stressful morning, busy day ahead of me. Here goes nothing...
This is the time I probably need to practice my meditation the most and clear my head. Quiet time should be welcomed and I should attempt to get centered but it also becomes increasingly difficult when you can't get yourself to that state of mind. Regardless, I find myself in my seat (that beautiful faux suede tan chair-check out my first post if you don't know what I'm referring to) with the timer set so lets do this.
I start the process with some anger. The kids don't listen...it feels like my wife isn't respectful of my time. Sometimes it's like I'm fighting a battle at home that makes me feel like a one man army, as if no one is on my side. Then I hear an inner voice mocking me...
WAAAAAAAA, poor you. Life is so tough. You have it so bad, don't you? Suck it up buttercup.
It was a bit of a reality check, but when I actually thought about why I was angry in that moment, it all seemed very petty. Instead of being thankful and appreciative for my kids and wife, I was acting as if I was the only person existing in the situation. Only concerned about what affected me. I'm pretty sure that's selfishness.
Why am I fighting anything? Kids don't listen because, well, they're kids! Spouses are trying to cohabitate and manage an interpersonal relationship, navigate high pressure careers, all while attempting to thoughtfully raise children (in our case two and soon to be three). This is no easy task. Time to cut some slack to everyone involved. I never actually reflected on this.
Then the timer goes off...I forgot we were even timing this. That went by fast. Today's session was much deeper thought than the first two days. Maybe there's something to be said for this whole meditation thing?
The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new. -Socrates